Tuesday, January 3, 2012

In Recovery

to my followers, i am no longer anorexic, i have given up, deicided it's a stupid idea. i'll never be skinny enough... so no more posts! bye bye!

Monday, October 17, 2011

SGD Diet today

Today i am starting day one of the Skinny Girl Diet. Hopefully this will work! IF anyone is interested in doing it this is the plan:
The rules for it are that you count calories but you can eat as much fruits and veggies as you want without adding them into your total for the day

you music exercise for at least 30 minuets a day 5 times a week

and any extra calories ingested must be burned off with cardio

wish me luck! :)


Friday, September 30, 2011

Tired of being fat

Ugh! I am so pissed at myself! i'm still 111! I feel so gross. I look at all my thinspo, and i want to be like them. I wish I could be more like them. I keep eating and eating like a fat pig and i can't stop! This sucks! Luckily I've found some Ana friends, and they're helping me when they can.
I'm also stressed out of my fucking mind! I have to live with my ex-best friend because I have no electricity or gas at my house because my mom can't afford to pay for it. So seeing as my mom is good friends with my ex-best friend's mom we (me mom and brother) are living here, for the past month! Lately Ashley (ex-best friend) is treating me like garbage. Like we used to be really close until she became best friends with this girl i really don't like. now if i say hi to her in the hallway at school, it's like i don't even exist! She sees me waving, she knows i say hi and all she does is turn to Paula (the girl i don't like) and talks to her. She's just being so mean, and calling me fat and stupid behind my back! I really feel like shit.
Then I have to go to EMT school on Tuesday and Thursday nights and that is making me study like crazy, and i have no time for anything else because I have to do well in school because I'm a junior and I want to get into NYU and i really need to do well. But I somehow have time to shove my fat face with food!
Oh, and i got taken out of gym class because my blood sugar is always low in the morning and I can't do it (I'm diabetic) so now i can barely exercise!
Now there's even more shit going on with my dad. I got a voicemail from him a few weeks ago and it was the audio of him beating up my 6 year old sister who I love to death. I played it for my therapist and she called CPS and now he knows I caused him to get into trouble and he's making my life a living hell. this is just sucking so much!
All i want is a perfect body so maybe something in my fucked up life would be ok, but noooooo! this SUCKS!!!!

Friday, September 23, 2011


I'm so happy! I dropped to 112.5!!!!! I weighed this morning and I got 112.5! I'm at school, and I'm supposed to be having lunch right now, but I decided to go to the library, and not eat :)
Yesterday I had:
Orange juice- 2 glasses (248 cals)
cucumber salad- 5 cals
eggs 2- 199 cals
Total: 452 cals
burned off 256 from walking
consumed calories: 196!
Today's goal is 500 cals. so far- none!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Starting All Over

I feel disgusting! I weigh 118 now! It's all because everyone knew and made me eat! Well no more. I started ABC last week, and today I'm doing 500 cals. LAst night i threw out all the food my mom bought me at the store a couple of days ago. SO when I go home there's nothing to eat, it's a half day so I can't get any lunch and I have no money to buy anything at a bake sale! I have to go to EMT class tonight, and I can't eat there. Hopefully I can reach my gw!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Help me please!

OK so I'm going to camp in August. There they make us EAT! I need to figure out how to not eat and not be noticed. I'm so mad!!!!! Why do i have to eat???????? They're gonna make me SOOOOO FAT!!!!! I need some help on how to figure out how to not be noticed. We have 3 meals a day and 2 snacks! Its sucks! and dinner is at 7 and theres a snack at 9 at night! its so much! and breakfast is at 7:30. What do I do???? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

They basically found out...

So today i had my therapist. She noticed that I've lost weight... that's when it started.
She kept saying that i need to gain weight and i need to eat more. i was so annoyed she told me that i was to eat right now, in front of her. I said there's nothing in the house to eat. She was saying 'you have no crackers, yogurt, nothing to eat?' and i said 'yes' then my mom came home. She talked to her and she said 'no there is stuff in the house' and i got busted. They made me have cherries. the put some in a bowl but i only had about 4 or 5. Then i had some water and juice. I was pissed off that they were telling me to eat. I tried saying i was a picky eater, and then that i feel full all the time. They didn't believe that. then i said that the meds i take (for seizures, depression, and head aches) was making me loose my appetite. They want me to change my to make me hungry. I don't care! I would just say i take the meds to make them shut up. meds were an excuse for now... i just hate eating, They basically said i was anorexic and i need help and i need to eat. then my mom asked me to think about what i want to eat and she hasn't asked me since. I lied to them and said i had that i had an uncrustable for lunch, when i had nothing. (I was quite proud of my self (:) It was great! I'm basically going to be force fed, and i HATE that. looks like Mia is going to be my best friend for a while