I have decided to make an alter ego for my Ana blog. A girl with will power and is skinny and beautiful. She looks like Pattie Boyd (A model from the 60s. My favourite thinspo) and she's perfect. Her name is now Madeline
Brownie (EEK I'M SO FAT!!!!!) 200
400 FUCKING CALS!!!!!!
Total: 229 CALS!!!! FUCK!!!!
Crackers- 200 (MIA)
Total so far: 260
I went home sick yesterday during school. I've had this monster head ache for 3 weeks now! It's put my appetite off a little bit. I slept for a while so i didn't eat then. I woke up a few hours later and my friend invited my family over for dinner (My thoughts: FUCK!) My friend's mom notoriously makes A LOT of food for dinner. She made: Tortillini with pesto, home made pizza, grilled chicken, chicken parm, carrots with brown sugar, italian bread, then plain veggies. I said i didn't feel good so i didn't want a lot of food. I took about 1/2 a hand full of black olives, 4 or 5 carrots and about 5 cherry tomatoes. Then my friend's mom throws some bread and pizza on my plate!!!! I said it was too much on my stomach. Then came desert...
There was: Angel food cake, brownies, strawberries with sugar, ice cream, whipped cream, cherries, and sprinkles for the ice cream. At first i said no to it because i still felt sick. Then i was stupid and snuck a brownie!!!!!! I felt so gross!!!!! My friend (Ashley) said she's on a diet now and she is cal counting. She said she has 2000 cals a DAY! A DAY!!!!!!!!! It's gross! I don't know how she does it!
I decided i'm not eating anymore today. I've made Mia a punishment if i eat. I hate throwing up but it's nessacary if i eat like a pig.
I've lost about 2 pounds now I'm down to 113. My stomach is about 27.5-28 inches around. I need to loose more!!!!!
Other than Ana, I've been sick :( I've had this monster head ache and i've been always tired. But i have a job on Saturday and I'm face painting at a birthday party. Ashley is coming and she's bringing her friend David with her. Ashley is going to be taking pictures at the party, and i got her the job doing it. I'm like her job pimp. It's supposed to be me and her doing these jobs, not anyone else! So she drags David along with her (I'm not friends with David but it's not like i don't like him) and now she's going to be talking to him the whole time and I'll wind up looking like a loser with no one to talk to again!!! Ugh i really don't like Ashley treating me like this!!!
Well on the upside there is this guy in my school (I don't know his name yet! XP) but he says hi to me all the time and tells me I'm pretty and he hugged me the other day :) He said 'I like you so much! You're so pretty!" I'm so happy he said that but i've never really talked to him! Next time i see him I'll try to talk to him! Maybe having him around me will make me want to lose weight and turn me off of food. the best
part was that when he hugged me he lifted me up a little bit :) Oh my god! I'm SOOO EXCITED :D!!!
I really like him :) Having someone who likes me is great! <3 I can't stop smiling when i think about him but i don't when i look at how FAT I am! Well wish me Luck this week!
This is 'Madeline' This is what i want to be!