FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

I keep eating! Mother fucker!!!!!!
I have decided to make an alter ego for my Ana blog. A girl with will power and is skinny and beautiful. She looks like Pattie Boyd (A model from the 60s. My favourite thinspo) and she's perfect. Her name is now Madeline

Yesterday:
food-
Crackers- 200
Veggies- 0
Brownie (EEK I'M SO FAT!!!!!) 200
400 FUCKING CALS!!!!!!
Exercise-
Walking- 171
Total: 229 CALS!!!! FUCK!!!!

Today:
Food:
Peanuts- 260
Crackers- 200 (MIA)
Total so far: 260

I went home sick yesterday during school. I've had this monster head ache for 3 weeks now! It's put my appetite off a little bit. I slept for a while so i didn't eat then. I woke up a few hours later and my friend invited my family over for dinner (My thoughts: FUCK!) My friend's mom notoriously makes A LOT of food for dinner. She made: Tortillini with pesto, home made pizza, grilled chicken, chicken parm, carrots with brown sugar, italian bread, then plain veggies. I said i didn't feel good so i didn't want a lot of food. I took about 1/2 a  hand full of black olives, 4 or 5 carrots and about 5 cherry tomatoes. Then my friend's mom throws some bread and pizza on my plate!!!! I said it was too much on my stomach. Then came desert...
There was: Angel food cake, brownies, strawberries with sugar, ice cream, whipped cream, cherries, and sprinkles for the ice cream. At first i said no to it because i still felt sick. Then i was stupid and snuck a brownie!!!!!! I felt so gross!!!!! My friend (Ashley) said she's on a diet now and she is cal counting. She said she has 2000 cals a DAY! A DAY!!!!!!!!! It's gross! I don't know how she does it!
I decided i'm not eating anymore today. I've made Mia a punishment if i eat. I hate throwing up but it's nessacary if i eat like a pig.
I've lost about 2 pounds now I'm down to 113. My stomach is about 27.5-28 inches around. I need to loose more!!!!!
Other than Ana, I've been sick :( I've had this monster head ache and i've been always tired. But i have a job on Saturday and I'm face painting at a birthday party. Ashley is coming and she's bringing her friend David with her. Ashley is going to be taking pictures at the party, and i got her the job doing it. I'm like her job pimp. It's supposed to be me and her doing these jobs, not anyone else! So she drags David along with her (I'm not friends with David but it's not like i don't like him) and now she's going to be talking to him the whole time and I'll wind up looking like a loser with no one to talk to again!!! Ugh i really don't like Ashley treating me like this!!!
Well on the upside there is this guy in my school (I don't know his name yet! XP) but he says hi to me all the time and tells me I'm pretty and he hugged me the other day :) He said 'I like you so much! You're so pretty!" I'm so happy he said that but i've never really talked to him! Next time i see him I'll try to talk to him! Maybe having him around me will make me want to lose weight and turn me off of food. the best
part was that when he hugged me he lifted me up a little bit :) Oh my god! I'm SOOO EXCITED :D!!!
I really like him :) Having someone who likes me is great! <3 I can't stop smiling when i think about him but i don't when i look at how FAT I am! Well wish me Luck this week!

Love,

       Madeline Ana

~Thinspo Pics~

This is 'Madeline' This is what i want to be!

5/23/11

I'm such a pig! I ate like crazy yesterday! I had a PB+J sandwich, toast and a bunch of food from PF Chang's! I went up to 113!!! I had nothing but gum today and i plan on nothing else today. I hope my mom doesn't make me eat. I have a head ache and my stomach hurts so that's an excuse. This shit is ridiculous!!!

Well there's someone at my school who likes me :) I need to be thin if he's going to keep on liking me. By the end of the week i want to drop down to at least 108. I also have a new plan. I want will fast during the week and eat a max of 500 cals during the weekend. I need to find more distractions to keep me from eating like a cow.

My brother said i looked like a cow the other day and that day i purged like crazy, stopped eating and took a lax. God damn me! I hate this, i have stopped eating lunch, no breakfast, and small dinner. all i drink is tea, water, and low cal juice.

So far i have been working on picture blogs for each Beatle and i need to know more about them. that will keep me busy for a while.

Thinspo pic!

This picture is a constant reminder that i wanna be perfect. The words on the side are lyrics that remind me that i want to and need to be perfect.

Lyrics from a song that makes me think of Ana and my Ana Playlist

Playlist (all by the Beatles)
You Really Got A Hold On Me (Ana is now my life)
Sexy Sadie (I want to BE sexy sadie)
Not A Second Time (Not a second time for me to eat)
Misery(a lyric is 'without her I will be in misery. I would be in misery without Ana)
It Won't Be Long (If i stay with Ana it won't be long 'til I'm thin)
If I Needed Someone (This is in reference to Mia. If I need to purge i would go to Mia)
I'm A Loser (I am because I'm fat)
I'll Cry Instead (I would cry if I couldn't Ana)
I Will (I will always be Ana)
Help! (I need Ana's Help!)
A Hard Day's Night (I have a hard day's night if I eat. I'm guilty and can't sleep)
Got To Get You Into My Life (I want Ana in my life)
Eight Days A Week (Ana is with me eight days a week)
Don't Let Me Down (Ana speaking, telling me not to let her down)
She's Got The Devil In Her Heart (Ana will be mean to me if I eat)
Chains (Ana has me in chains to make me remember I can't eat)
Ana (Obvious much?)

Lyrics:
Song: perfectly
From movie Pixel Perfect

I wanna be perfect,
But I'm me
I wanna be flawless,
But you see
Every little crack
Every chip,
Every dent
Every little mistake,
I wanna be perfect
Just like you,
But there's only so much that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror,
It makes sense to me,
Perfectly
Perfectly

5/2/11

Food:
Uncrustable
1 bowl Special K
1/8 of fat free muffin (MIA)

Drink:
Diet Snapple
Water with crystal light
plain water

Exercise-
run in gym
crunches
jumping jacks
walked to and from library

I went to school and 4th period had gym so i walked (i would have ran but i have a bad blister on my ankle and i can't wear shoes with backs. Then came home, did jumping jacks, and crunches. then i walked to the library and spent about an hour there. then walked back. yesterday in total i burned 427 cals. I think i'm gonna drop ABC and just do 500 cal a day diet and fasting if I can. I've been doing better because of Ana buddies. I keep on trying! Wish me luck!

5/1/11

Food:

Pizza (Mia)

Pretzels

Slim Fast Bar

Drink:

Water

Water with Crystal light

Apple Juice

Exercise:

Jumping Jacks

Crunches

Lunges

Sprints

Dancing

Cycling

Waking

I ate a lot and i felt so fat. I Mia'd the pizza and now i don't think i ever want to eat Pizza ever again! Talking to a lot of people so they're helping. i think some people's suspicions are being lowered.

Yesterday

Went on a 4 mile hike and burned about 600 cals! then no dinner. he water today, 1/3 of a muffin. might have some juice later. probably gunna exercise like fuck later. I also dropped down to 109! only 9 more pounds to go. i also got a lot off my belly. ABC is really working for me! i'm just switching cals for today and tomorrow. so 400 today and 300 tomorrow. wish me luck!