4-10-11

Food Log:

2 Nutrigrain bars: 240 cal

PB + J: 421 cal

mac n' cheese: 350 cal

Drink:

Water with Crystal light: 0 cal

Orange Juice: 70 cal

Milk: 39 cal

CW: 116

WG: 95

Current Pant Size (CPS): 3/4

Goal Pant Size (GPS): 0/1

Height: 5'1''

I binged so much!!!!! i feel so nasty! I'm going on the ABC diet now. I have also made some rules for myself

• No food before 10 am [coffee allowed].
• No food after 6 pm [coffee allowed].
• Must wait at least 3 hours to eat again after a meal (if i absolutely need a meal)
• Never EVER go over 800 cals a day. EVER. (i will slowly go down)
• Must burn off all calories consumed through exercise.

• No meat
• Green food = good food, eat in abundance

I'm going to start the ABC diet tomorrow I'm going to start with 800 calories. hopefully i can get less than that. I'm just worried about people finding out. My mom, best friend, school nurse, guidance counsellor, therapist, behavioralist, DYFUS worker, and case worker would FREAK OUT! Well except for my behaviourist and DYFUS worker are all skinny and wouldn't know what it's like to feel like a fat ass. They're all skinny and pretty and they don't know what it's like! Tomorrow I'm not having breakfast or dinner, and a small lunch and MAYBE a snack before my therapist shows up. All the people that work with my family are saying i've improved since they've came to see me. I just need to keep this a secret until about 6 months from now and then i can go a bit more public. I'm going to do Ana in a smart way. I can get some pills from my friend's house so that can help. The only problem with the ABC diet is i can't do the fasting days because i'm diabetic so i'll try to do no more than 100 calories those days. Liquid diet is also an option those days.

I've said a few times to my friends/family that i feel fat and they say 'you're so skinny! you don't need to, you look good'

Well in the modelling world i would be a 'plus size model' my personal favourite thinspiration is Pattie Boyd. Does she look like a size 3/4? Does she look like a small or extra small? Does she have thunder thighs? A muffin top? Flabby arms? A bubble butt? No she doesn't! A model is a size 2 or lower and an extra small! If you look at my stats i am a little chunky for my height. food is my worst enemy and exercise and Ana are my best friends. Super skinny people who have been like that their whole lives don't know what it's like to feel fat and nasty. The locker room is evil to me. i can't wear short shorts or tight tops because my belly will show.